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Safety Strategies

For many different reasons, from an early age, some children become highly reactive to what they perceive as signs of danger. We all constantly scan our environments, both consciously and unconsciously, alert for possible threats, but some are more prone to misinterpreting cues and reacting in extreme ways even when they are actually safe.

When the child feels like they might be under attack (physically or emotionally), they will go into survival mode immediately, seeking a way to stay safe. The reaction is super fast and beyond conscious control. The instinct to survive supersedes all other concerns. Once we have been triggered, we lose awareness of our current environment, and we will need help in returning to a state of calm alertness. Over time, such reactions can become habitual.

It can be challenging for adults to fathom this process. If we cannot see any danger, we may feel baffled, annoyed, even angered by seeing a child react so strongly when no triggers are evident to us. The child's behaviour can appear to be irrational and defiant. It may even be dangerous. But, it is important to know that what the child looks like on the outside does not indicate how they feel on the inside. And, we cannot easily perceive the scary and defeating thoughts and the biological changes that propel the child's behaviour.

We can learn to observe and understand the child's preferred way of seeking safety when they are triggered. Knowing that preference allows us to set up the environment in a way that builds a sense of safety for the child and find ways to provide support.

Fight

This strategy involves attacking the perceived threat through angry and aggressive behaviour. Children who take this approach tend to elicit the highest level of concern and intervention. A child who habitually acts in harmful ways typically feels alone and unworthy. Past experiences have led them to believe that they must be in control all the time.

Early research on children's stress responses tended to highlight the two most obvious ones - flight or fight. Later, it was recognized that freezing occurred whenever someone could not choose between fleeing or fighting back or was seeking safety by ''playing dead'' and that this was particularly true for girls when sexually threatened. Now, we also recognize that surrendering and giving up represent a fourth way of seeking resolution to the threat.

The first two are more noticeable. They are active ways of reacting. Freezing or submitting are less noticeable reactions and cause fewer disruptions, but they are actually more damaging to the child's long-term wellbeing and are, therefore, important to note and consider.

A fifth response that psychologists call ''attaching'' or ''fawning'' is now being explored more closely. This strategy seems focussed on reducing the threat through appeasement.

Researchers are also looking at excessive sleeping as another way that we can try to regain a sense of safety in response to perceived threats in our environment.