Patricia A. MacAulay
CHILD DEVELOPMENT CONSULTANT
Responding
Very likely, you have observed that the child utilizes safety strategies across the categories presented here, and these strategies very from one scenario to another and from one person to another. Usually, though, you will be able to identify one preferred strategy that the child employs when they feel anxious or fearful in your presence.
This does not necessarily mean that you are an unsafe or untrustworthy person. The child's alarm system has been triggered through an automatic, physiological process beyond their conscious awareness and their immediate control. The triggers are different for each child and often invisible to others. Subtle cues such as scent or vocal tone can spark a strong emotional reaction and put the child into survival mode.
We cannot reasonably expect that the child can manage this experience without support. It is up to adults to see beyond the defensive behaviour and reach out in helpful, supportive ways that, over time, will build a greater sense of safety for the child and give them experience with noticing triggers and calming themselves, when needed.
To focus your efforts, please view the list of actions that you can take to better adapt the relationship and the environment to the child's needs. Select actions that are doable for you, given your individual circumstances and the boundaries of your relationship while keeping the goal of creating safety foremost in your mind. Use this list to spark ideas of your own.
Fight
Flight
Freeze
Submit
Fawn
Seeing a child adopt any of these strategies may raise valid concerns. If you have a close relationship with the child or you are a trained professional, you may decide to inquire about their immediate personal safety. Or, it may be more appropriate to refer the child to a therapist or social worker to help ascertain that they are currently living in safety.
A child may disclose to you, without prompting, that they are experiencing harm. If so, it is imperative that you follow the child protection legislation in your jurisdiction and, if you are affiliated with an organization, any reporting protocols that have been established. A
It is important to note, though, that 1) adopting any of these strategies does not necessarily mean that the child is currently living without safety, and 2) you can provide appropriate support without actually knowing any details about what may have inspired the child's defensive strategies. Don't make assumptions and focus on what the child is presenting to you and your supportive response, inquiring further when warranted or appropriate.