Secure Attachment

Secure Attachment

Depending upon the durability of the early attachment experience, children may develop a particular style of relating to the people that they encounter along the way.

If the early attachment experience goes well enough, the child will develop a secure attachment style.

A securely attached child will have internalized the secure base that they developed with their main caregiver and can draw upon that experience without their attachment figure needing to be physically and emotionally present.

This child will feel safe in other settings because they have learned that separations are not permanent and can be tolerated and that reunions can be pleasurable. They can transfer learned patterns onto other relationships and experiences.

Securely attached children know what it is like to experience an internal sense of calm and peace because they feel that their internal world is solid. They believe that they are lovable, that others will want to be connected with them, and that they can trust others to meet their needs.

This child is able to take the risks necessary to explore the world with increasing curiosity, moving forward in their emotional and social development and capacity to learn new things and manage life's challenges, with support.

They assume that other people are safe until proven otherwise, and they trust themselves to make this distinction.

Insecure Attachment

If the child feels uncertain about the reliability of the primary caregiver during their early development, they will fear for their own survival.

Such a child may display either too much independence or too much dependence as they interact with others and try to get their needs met.

A child with an insecure attachment history feels intense anxiety about being separated from their caregiver. This anxiety initiates behaviours designed to get the attachment figure to come back into close proximity.

These strategies can involve high levels of vigilance accompanied by aggression. The child simply does not trust that the adult will attend to them in a timely and helpful way.

Encountering others in this way does not necessarily mean that the child has been mis-treated, but it does indicate that the child has built a perception that this is a real possibility, and they lack faith in their ability to distinguish real danger from unspecified threats in their environment.

Here is a quick overview of attachment theory: